Face off with you, my Lord

Ruu-ba-ruu tujse, mere Khuda (a poem in Urdu by Bill Koul, with English translation after the Urdu version)

This poem tries to establish a one-to-one relationship between God and man – as parts of the One and same One Being, perceiving them essentially as reflections of each other. The poem also illustrates man’s desire for God to appear on the earth so that he could question Him and make Him behold Himself through his (man’s) eyes. The man’s intention is to make God appreciate and address human struggles and helplessness, especially of the poor, downtrodden and the unprivileged. Interestingly, the man sets an audacious condition for their face-to-face meeting, which requires God to ensure his (man’s) eyes do not close – after blushing in God’s splendorous presence – or become moist due to emotions on getting overwhelmed by God’s glory when they meet each other face-to-face. Whilst making God responsible for everything, including his own self, pride and the ego, the man cleverly exonerates himself of his trespasses, reminding both to show full respect to each other when they meet face-to-face.

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Sharaminda hun main khud se’, sharamindaghi tuje’ bhi hogi khud se’;

Jab honge’ tumse hum ruu-ba-ruu, mere Khuda, karenghe’ tum se’ hum kuchh sawalat.

~  ☼ ~

Guzarish hai tujse’, dikha de kabi khudai apni, mere Khuda;

Yun toh malum hai muje’ be ki har tasveer mein hai tera deedar, sub taraf hai teri karamat.

~  ☼ ~

Jab aaoge, aana apni shaan ke saath aur dikha jaana apna jalwa;

Shart magar hai meri, mere Khuda, aankh meri bandh na ho sharam se, na ho namnaak jab ho tera deedar.

~  ☼ ~

Chand sitare’ aur suraj, yeh sab hai tere khilone’, tera he jalwa hai har taraf;

Ab kabi meri zameen par be aa, mere Khuda, aur khud ko dekh meri aankh se’ be.

~  ☼ ~

Sharamandaghi hai muje’ tuj se, teri khamoshi se, sharamandaghi hai meje khud se’ be;

Agar tu Khuda hai, hai tu mere wajood mein be, meri ruh mein; hai meri khudi teri Khudai mein be.

~  ☼ ~

Yeh shikwa be hai, fariyad be hai tujse, jo be hai teri he razamandi se hai;

Yeh jurm be kiya hai maine madhoshi mein, mere Khuda, teri noorani se, teri mohabbat mein.

~  ☼ ~

Aa kabi dekh khud ko merei aankh se, mere Khuda;

Sharma jayega tu be khud ko dekh kar, hairat tuje be hogi khud ko dekh kar, shikayat tuje be hogi khud se.

~  ☼ ~

Meri khudi mein hai teri Khudai, teri Khudai mein hai meri khudi

Teri razamandi mein hai meri razamandi, bebass main be hun, majboor tu be hai, meri besabri main hai teri bebassi, mere Khuda.

~ ☼ ~

Aa ek baar ab, mere Khuda, aur dekh khud ko meri be-bas aankh se be;

Rusva na kar, mere Khuda, meri mayoosi se khud be hoga tu khud se mayoos, tuje be sharam aayegi khud se, tuje be shikayat rahegi khud se.

  ~  ☼ ~

Yekinan hai kufr meri guzaarish main, lekin kafir nahi hun main yekinan;

Insaan nahi hai tu, mere Khuda, is wajeh se durr nahi hai muje’ tujse’, insaanu jaisa garoor be nahi hai tujme, na hai tu un ke jaise bereham.

~ ☼ ~

Maloom hai muje, mere Khuda, suraj se be zyada noor hain tuj mein;

Meri besabr aank nah ho band sharam se, nah ho namnaak jub ho jaon ruu-ba-ruu tuj se; na ho teri shaan mein koi gustakhi, na ho meri koi rusvai.

~ ☼ ~

Itna na boolna kabi, mere Khuda, mere Rahbar;

Teri Khudai mein hai meri khudi aur meri khudi mein hain teri Khudai.

~ ☼ ~~ ☼ ~~ ☼ ~~ ☼ ~~ ☼ ~~ ☼ ~~ ☼ ~~ ☼ ~~ ☼ ~~ ☼ ~~ ☼ ~~ ☼ ~~ ☼ ~~ ☼ ~

Face to face with you, my God

I am ashamed of myself, You must also be ashamed of Yourself; when we’ll face off each other day, my Lord, I’ll question You.

~ ☼ ~

My request to you, my Lord, sometime demonstrate Your Divinity; anyhow, I know every picture out there reflects Your image; Your wonder is everywhere.

~ ☼ ~

When You arrive, appear in Your radiant grandness, in Your complete splendour; however, appear only on the condition, my Lord, that my eyes don’t not close due to my abashment nor become tearful.  

 ~ ☼ ~

The sun, the moon and stars are all your playing toys; your splendour immerses everything; come and appear sometime on the earth also, my Lord, and behold Yourself with my eyes.

~ ☼ ~

I am ashamed of Yourself, of your silence, as well as I am ashamed of myself; if you are God, You are a part of my existence too, as my spirit; Your Divinity is intertwined with my ego and pride.

~ ☼ ~

This compliant of mine is also my ardent appeal to You; but whatever it is, it is as per Your will and acquiescence; I have committed this crime in my bewilderment and out of my amazement of your splendour and my love for You.

  ~ ☼ ~

Come sometime and behold Yourself with my eyes, my Lord; You will also blush on seeing Yourself; You will also wonder at Yourself; You will also have complaints against Yourself.

  ~ ☼ ~

Your Divinity is embedded within my pride and ego and mine in Yours; in Your will and acquiescence lie my will and acquiescence; I may be weak and helpless, You too are burdened; in my impatience lies your helplessness, my Lord.

   ~ ☼ ~

Now come once, my Lord, and behold Yourself with my desperate eyes; don’t humiliate and dishonour me, my Lord; my disappointment will make You feel disappointed with Yourself; You will also become embarrassed of Yourself; You will also develop resentment against Yourself.

   ~ ☼ ~

Undoubtedly, my appeal to you may appear to be smeared with infidelity but, undoubtedly, I am not an infidel; as you not a human, my Lord, I don’t fear You; you are neither arrogant nor cruel as humans.

       ~ ☼ ~

I know, my Lord, You are brighter than the brightest sun; thus, I wish my impatient eyes don’t close due my abashment or become tearful when I am face to face with You, so that neither You are disrespected nor I am dishonoured.

      ~ ☼ ~

My Lord, my Guide, never forget that my self, my pride and ego are all intertwined with Your Divinity and Your Divinity is embedded very much into my self and my pride and ego.

       ~ ☼ ~

 … Bill Koul (Perth, 26 April 2020)

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